Name of the Week: Purdue Edition

Last week, we saw Shady Salamon become the first two-time Name of the Week winner. I'm sorry, but, this Purdue team is just too deep in terms of names  - new names, too, for there to be a repeat this year, in my opinion. Not to take away from the incumbent, but let's take a look at the honorable mentions, and note that they'd beat most of the teams we've played so far this season. Not fully making the cut are defensive tackle LaSalle Cooks (full sentences!), fullback Jared Crank, kicker Jonathan Linkenheimer, running back Al-Terek McBurse, wide receiver Cortez Smith, and defensive tackle Kawann Short. That, sirs, is a squad.

And those aren't even the guys who made the cut. Those people are... after. the. jump.

#51, Kakpindi Jamiru: It's well noted that I'm not a fan of making fun of foreign-sounding names because they're foreign. But homie's name is "Kakpindi." Kakpindi. I don't need to spell this out, do I? Sadly, it's actually pronounced "Kah-pin-dee" according to the athletic site, but, KAKPINDI.

Kakpindi is a redshirt freshman playing backup linebacker. He's never seen the field and won't this Saturday, which is sad, because his name is Kakpindi.

#34, Antavian Edison: The key to this name is imagining a guy named Antavian inventing the lightbulb. Some sort of weird, kickass version of the lightbulb that someone named Antavian would invent.

Antavian has been thrust into a starting role at wide receiver, but only has three catches for 15 yards on the year. The bulk of his work has been carrying the ball - he's third on the team with 122 yards rushing on 21 carries.

#11, DeVarro Greaves: I feel like I don't need to mention that DeVarro is a good name, or that if he ever makes it to the NFL, Chris Berman will call him "The Sun Will Come Out" DeVarro Greaves. I don't need to tell you that. What I do need to point out is that for a name that's almost completely made up most likely, DeVarro Greaves genuinely works. If I ever meet anybody named Antavian, my first thought will be, "damn! That dude's name is Antavian!" But DeVarro? I can vibe with that. He could be like a long-lost Spanish duke or something.

DeVarro is a second-stringer at strong-side linebacker, but doesn't have any stats on the season - although he has played in games.


#3, Waynelle Gravesande: I can see why Waynelle won last year. It's a good name.

First off, it's pronounced "grave-sandy" according to Purdue's media guide. But what I like about this name is that "Waynelle" matches up with "Gravesande" really well, they're both really long, very poetic, and both aren't actual names. If Waynelle weren't a football player, he could totally be a British dude from the 1500's. It's a mad courtly name. It just rolls off the tongue. If my name were Waynelle Gravesande, I'd sign my name with a lot of flourishes and I'd use a feather pen from a quill and I'd probably have at least one indentured servant.

Waynelle is a junior wide receiver, but his main role is as the team's leading return man. Sadly, he isn't that good: his longest punt return on the year was for six yards, part of the reason the team averages 1.4 yards a return, good for 119th in the FBS.

and my pick...

#31, Normando Harris: Let's say you meet a guy named Norm Harris. That guy? That guy is boring as hell. He's so... normal. It's in his name, for chrissake. Norm. Normal. Boring. Average. Norm Harris lives in the suburbs and raises 2.3 kids and listens to the easy listening station on his commute to work because he likes that one Carlos Santana song with Rob Thomas.

Normando Harris would meet this guy and punch him in the balls. Twice. Normando could just be another Norm Harris, content to be average, but he doesn't. He breaks those Norms. He breaks them by punching them in the balls. Twice. His name is Normando. There is nothing normal about him. You might think there is, when his name starts with the word "Norm". And then, holy crap, his name is Normando. Normando stands for all that is exotic in this world: he's a marshmellow in our world's bland bowl of Lucky Charms, surrounded by the crappy unlucky charms that we all eat but don't enjoy. Normando flouts our cultural norms, pardon the pun, by showing us how similar he is to us - by starting out with "Norm" - and then shows us how with his tiny bit of Normando flair, he is different, and that if we follow him, we can change our lives to be different, better, more fulfilling than they ever could be if we just conformed.

He also could be a character in the Lady Gaga song "Alejandro", but that's neither here nor there.

Normando is a true freshman safety - he's redshirting this year.


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