I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot: Week 3

I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot is Sippin' On Purple's weekly discussion of college football point spreads, and by college football, we mean Big Ten games plus other national games of interest. All suggested wagers are for entertainment purposes only. All lines courtesy of 5Dimes.com, all times are central time.

Season Profit (including the vig): 28.27 Lundys

I am on a winning streak the likes of which has never been seen on the internet. I am on more of a roll than the great Zak Kustok versus Michigan circa 2000. I am hotter than the recently leaked Scarlett Johansson pictures or Alison Mosshart in this video:


That's right folks, 19 more Lundys last week after an excellent Week 1. That's good for a 47% return on investment, Ponzi scheme territory. Will this last? Absolutely not. Will I continue to shamelessly self-promote as long as it does? Of course. Will I stop doing the lame writing gimmick where you ask yourselves questions and answer them? No, I am a terrible writer.

Let's get to the picks.

Thursday

#3 LSU Tigers at #25 Mississippi St. Bulldogs (+4), 7 PM, ESPN

Never bet against the Les Miles luckbox in a prime time game. Even if the math is against Miles, as a brilliant BHGP commenter put it, Les Miles is to math as the Roadrunner is to physics.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Friday

#4 Boise St. Broncos at Toledo Rockets (+20), 7 PM, ESPN

Classic letdown game for Toledo after coming up just short of an upset of Ohio State last week. Boise in a romp.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Iowa St. Cyclones at Connecticut Huskies (-4), 7 PM, ESPN2

On the one hand, this has letdown game written all over it for Iowa State. On the other hand, I have a general rule to never bet on a Paul Pasqualoni coached team unless Diamond Ferri is involved. So I'm staying away from this one, tune in and enjoy the Steele Jantz show.

Saturday

#21 Auburn Tigers at Clemson Tigers (-3.5), 11 AM, ABC

Auburn seems like such an obvious bet I feel like I must be missing something. Clemson is coming off a narrow escape over FCS Wofford, and while Auburn may be a far cry from last year, they're still much better than Clemson. Bet the Fighting Chiziks.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Eastern Michigan Eagles at Michigan Wolverines (-29), 11 AM, BTN

I don't care what the line is. Glen Rice, former Michigan great, took down Sarah Palin. There should be a national holiday in his honor for this achievement. I'm on Michigan here like white on Rice.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Penn St. Nittany Lions at Temple Owls (+7.5), 11 AM, ESPN

Temple nearly pulled off this upset last year in Happy Valley, this year they should come close again. In honor of current CFL great Henry Burris, take Temple.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Pittsburgh Panthers at Iowa Hawkeyes (-3), 11 AM, ESPN2

Pittsburgh almost lost to Maine last week, giving me an excuse to talk about the great Paul Kariya, the most dominant freshman in NCAA history. If you're unfamiliar with how hard Kariya owned college hockey, try to imagine what LeBron James would have done had he played a year of college, except if that year of college was now. What a legend.

Anyways, Iowa bounces back here after their tough loss last week and wins big.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Southeast Missouri State I'm Too Lazy To Look Up Their Nicknames at Purdue Boilermakers (-22.5), 11 AM, BTN

My interest in this game is somewhere between Sean Williams' interest in just saying no and Ben Roethlisberger's interest in respecting when people say no.

#7 Wisconsin Badgers vs. Northern Illinois Huskies (+16.5), 2:30 PM, ESPN3.com

NIU is probably the best the MAC has to offer, but their defense is no match for Wisconsin. That said, their offense can put some points on the board. So take the over 64 and hope Bielema goes back to his running it up ways.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Washington Huskies at #11 Nebraska Cornhuskers (-16.5), 2:30 PM, ESPN/ABC

Their third meeting in less than a year, and the first two meetings weren't very interesting. Meh.

#15 Michigan St. Spartans at Notre Dame Fighting Irish (-4.5), 2:30 PM, NBC

Dammit. I was expecting this line to be about a pick 'em and I was going to wager heavily on Notre Dame, but the line is 4.5 and now I'm not so confident. Here's the thing though:  Notre Dame is -7 in turnover margin through 2 weeks yet both their games were very close. They are not going to keep turning the ball over like that, they're at home, and we're overdue for a Sparty NOOOOOOOOOO moment. Irish get it done.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Northwestern Wildcats at Army Black Knights (+7.5), 2:30 PM, CBSSN

I've bet against Northwestern the first two weeks, and I'm going to do it again. NU is clearly the better team here but I really don't like giving more than a touchdown on the road, especially with Pat Fitzgerald's history of letting inferior teams hang around.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Miami (Ohio) Redhawks at Minnesota Golden Gophers (-5), 2:30 PM, BTN
South Carolina State Bulldogs at Indiana Hoosiers (-15.5), 2:30 PM, BTN

I'm out of jokes.

#22 Arizona St. Sun Devils at Illinois Fighting Illini (-1), 6 PM, BTN

Most exciting game no one's talking about, with dynamic sophomore QB talents Brock Osweiler and Nathan Scheelhaase and suspect game coaches Dennis Erickson and Ron Zook squaring off. Not much of an idea who's going to win, but I'll put a token wager against Zook on principle.

Bet Size: 1 Lundy

#17 Ohio St. Buckeyes at Miami (FL) Hurricanes (-2.5), 7 PM, ESPN

Many names have been thrown out for this game, and the Ineligi-Bowl is the best name that can be read on television or a legitimate news publication, but the actual name for this game is the Tit for Tat Bowl. It's not even arguable. And in any competition, tits always beat tats. Miami avenges last season's loss in the Horseshoe.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

#1 Oklahoma Sooners at #5 Florida State Seminoles (+3), 7 PM, ABC

What has Florida State done since last season to be worthy of a top 5 national ranking? Anyone? Oklahoma wins big.

Bet Size: 4 Lundys

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