Northwestern plays a .500 Michigan State that hasn't won or lost a Big Ten game by more than four points. As Northwestern fans, we cower in fear of what this means.
It's time we stop thinking about last week's insane Roy Roundtree catch, Michigan's double-digit comeback, and eventual overtime win, and begin focusing on Northwestern's upcoming game wi-HEY! I said STOP thinking about those things. No! I see you! Looking all wistful! Stop it!
Anyway, it's time for Michigan State. This looked like one of the tougher games going into the year, but Michigan State... actually has a worse record than Northwestern? In fact, they're .500. But they could be way better, considering all their games have been really close! But they could be way worse, considering all their games have been really close. The only true test is the Pat Fitzgerald intense-o-meter. Let's hit it!
Pat Fitzgerald INTENSE-O-METER reading: 6.9
Symptoms include: can be used as a functioning space heater, although can also be used as a malfunctioning space heater that burns your house down.
Pat Fitzgerald is morose. He even taped up the "win the division" sign in the meeting room. Northwestern lost last week. Northwestern was in ideal position to win as the game wrapped up, yet they didn't. Does what we do in our daily lives really matter? Or will even the best laid plans of mice and Fitzes result with the ball perfectly popping up to Roy Roundtree? Why do we even bother?
Here's why we bother: Northwestern wins this game, they go to one bowl. They lose, they go to a worse bowl. This is football, and your existentialism has no place. As Herman Edwards once said, "You play."*
Michigan State has played six Big Ten games, and none have been decided by more than four points. So, prepare to explode and implode, and just generally plode all over the place. My point is, we're all going to die this weekend, so buy some good whiskey and spend time with the people you love.
* - quote has been slightly shortened to fit the purposes of the author