Time to turn our eyes towards our new Bronco pals, specifically, their names. First, tis time to congratulate Macky Macpherson on more or less running away with last week's poll, putting a sizeable distance between himself and Chauncey Scissum. Understandable after being overpowered by Quinta Funderburk in 2012.
But now we move onto these Bronco types! I think the wheat really separates itself from the chaff with this crop of names, with a few incredibly strong options, but let's not ignore the also-rans, who aren't so bad either. Honorable mentions include wide receiver Tanner Kain (name very clearly either a lie or based on Kain Colter's NCAA Football 13 avatar), linebacker Nicholas Dance (we hope you dance), defensive lineman Cleveland Smith (cc: Syracuse nominee Clay Cleveland), defensive tackle Travonte Boles, running back Austin "The Situation" Guido, punter J Schroeder, and running back Dareyon Chance.
Let's see the real deal guys!
Jabarai Bothwell, No. 95
If you asked me whether I like the name "Jabarai" or "Bothwell" more, I'd have to say I like both well, but probably Jabarai more.
J-Both is a redshirt freshman defensive tackle.
Willie Beavers, No. 70
Alright, let's get something straight here: I would've included this guy if he was named after any number of woodland creatures. Willie Squirrels? Check. Willie Chipmunks? DEFINITELY. Willie Otters? Probably. Willie Possums? Hell yeah.
But, you know, beavers.
Big Beav was initially an Illinois commit, but they oversigned so he ended up at WMU. Damn, Oregon State, ya done goofed not offering this guy.
Rontavious Atkins, No. 18
Fun fact: googling "Rontavious" brings up results related to four people. They are all either high school or college football players.
Ron's a big part of what the Broncos do defensively, starting at strong safety.
Daniel Braverman, No. 80
"Hi, my name is Daniel Braveman"
/Daniel Braverman spits at Daniel Braveman's feet
"DANIEL BRAVEMAN, HUH? WATCH THIS, YOU COWARDLY PIECE OF SCUM"
/climbs up in tree currently being chopped down by lumberjack, saves a kitten
"YEAH YOU AIN'T HALF THIS BRAVE"
/runs through minefield to give medical assistance to a fallen comrade, realizes he left his equipment on the other side of the minefield, runs back, then runs across again, gives assistance to the comrade, then runs one last time across the minefield just for good measure
/rushes into a building, grabs a chair and a few strands of looseleaf paper, sprints out
"THESE THINGS I SAVED FROM THAT BUILDING AREN'T EVEN THAT IMPORTANT"
When not performing unnecessary feats of derring-do actually a sophomore wide receiver! He had 18 receptions last year and ran some kicks back, but doesn't have any stats this year.
Tyler van Tubbergen, No. 2
You know the jolly character Jerry and George create on Seinfeld based on Jerry's girlfriend's belly button? The one that just says "HELLOOOO!" and "LA LA LAAAAA" in a jovial voice?
His name is Tyler Van Tubbergen. HELLLOOOOO
TyleeTubby is actually the Broncos' starting quarterback. He was thrust into starting duty last year due to injuries to Alex Carder, and looked okay, completing 60 percent of his passes with 15 touchdowns and 11 picks, but this year he's 30-for-63 with no touchdowns and four picks. What are you doing T-Tubs?!?!?!
Tronic Williams, No. 9
HIS NAME IS TRONIC
IT'S LIKE THE 80'S MOVIE WITH THE VIDEO GAMES BUT ALSO IT'S LIKE WEED
In honor of Mr. Williams, I've decided to rename tracks from Dr. Dre's 1992 classic "The Chronic" after Saturday's matchup:
- "It's F*** With P.J. Day (And Everybody's Fleckebrating)"
- "Broncos Ain't Sh**"
- "The $20 Tyler Scott Sack Pyramid"
- "The Day The NU Guys Took Over"
- "Ain't Budzien But A G Thang"
- "Let V Ride (the bench while Northwestern wins by 40-ish)"
I'm so sorry.
Tronic is a senior cornerback for the Broncos who hasn't seen the field much in his career.
More from Sippin' On Purple:
- Plays of the Week: Taking the Bad with the Good
- Northwestern gets Bryant McIntosh (2014 PG) over Purdue, Memphis, Iowa
- Cats in the NFL: Nick Roach, Corey Wootton lead Wildcats pros
- A Metrics Breakdown of Trevor Siemian and Kain Colter's passing against Syracuse
- Northwestern-WMU depth chart: Venric Mark bump down to co-starter, Kyle Prater back?
- Northwestern college football rankings: Wildcats ranked No. 17 in AP Poll, 16 in coaches