clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Players on Northwestern's roster...

... picked at random and ranked from least likely to most likely to be upset that saturday's game will prevent them from fully celebrating the Jewish high holy day of Rosh Hashanah:
(just going by names)

David Nwabuisi - 1: least likely to be upset
Demetrius Fields
Stone Pinckney
Jeravin Matthews
Chuck Porcelli
Bryce McNaul
Sidney Stewart
Ben Johnson - 5: could go either way
Jacob Schmidt
Jeremy Ebert
James Kurzawski
David Arnold (sleeper pick)
Andrew Struckmeyer
Aaron Nagel
James Nussbaum - 10: maybe somewhat upset

(by the way, upon brief checking of Nagel and Nussbaum's player profiles, I'm convinced that they won't be upset either. Our roster may very well be jewless.)

That being said, I'm Jewish, and although I'm not extraordinarily religious, I'm definitely disappointed that the scheduling worked out that way - I had the opportunity to go to Syracuse and cover the game, but after much passive-aggressive insistence that I not do this from various more religious family members of mine, I pulled a much less dramatic version of the Koufax and turned it down. Point being, we control the media, and we can't even get football games moved off the high holy days? What gives! (P.S. We do control the media. I'm a Jew at a journalism school, there's a memo, I got it.) Then again, football takes place on saturdays, so, this whole thing would be irrelevant if I was anything more than a moderately religious person.

Most importantly, the whole thing gave me a opportunity to finally make some jew jokes on this site, which I'd been waiting a full three months to do.
(Northwestern Highlights points out in the comments that the game on the holiday is great, because he has an excuse not to go to a holiday dinner, however, I retort that the real purpose of this post is less complaining and more ranking NU football players on Jew potential.)