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Brendan Smith Memorial Picks, Week 7


Friday, means I'm in discussion sections, means I'm bored enough to do picks posts!

11 AM: Delaware State @ Michigan.

Sorry, all these games are extraordinarily uninteresting to pick. That's why I started the whole "mascot death fights" thing - so you have something interesting to read.

What I think Delaware State's mascot is, without looking: The vipers. Gotta be the vipers. Quite frankly, the only historically black college whose mascot I know for sure is the Howard Bison, but I like my chances on this one.

What it actually is: The hornets. Damn. Vipers and hornets are relatively close, when it all comes down to it. 

Pick: Michigan

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: A hornet could do some damage to people, but I'm betting the wolverine's thick fur sort of overrides any damage a hornet sting could do. Game, Michigan. (Wolverines mascot death fight record: 4-3)

11 AM: No. 11 Iowa @ Wisconsin

If Iowa's going to lose a game before their week 11 matchup with OSU, it'll be this one. Too bad they're probably not going to lose a game before their week 11 matchup with OSU.

Pick: Iowa

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: Dear audience: I been asking you for seven weeks now what a Hawkeye is. Until that day, I'll just imagine the eye of a hawk. Which is pretty bad at fighting. Game, Wisconsin. (mascot death fight records: Wisconsin, 4-3, Iowa, 0-7.)

11 AM: No. 7 OSU @ Purdue

My knowledge of Purdue football this season extrapolated to include how much better OSU is than Purdue leads me to believe that the Boilers will fumble the ball 48 times in a 348-3 loss. (the field goal was a 22-yarder, though, so they got close.)

Pick: Ohio State

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: We got a nut versus a human with a hammer. USE THE HAMMER! USE THE HAMMER! Game, Purdue. (mascot death fight records: Purdue, 6-1, OSU, 0-7.)

2:30: Minnesota @ No. 14 Penn State

Happy Valley is less intimidating during the day, but Minnesota is less intimidating in the years following 1950, so, that's an issue too.

PIck: Minnesota

Pick in a mascot fight to the death: The gopher is more cuddly than the mountain lion, but that's about where the positives for the golden one in this matchup end. Game, Penn State. (mascot death fight records: PSU, 6-0-1, Minnesota, 1-6)

6: Illinois @ Indiana

The ineptitude bowl! Starring the crappiest team in the conference facing off against the team that's the crappiest team in the conference every other year, except the years Northwestern is the crappiest team in the conference! 

Pick: Indiana

PIck in a mascot fight to the death: One of those good ol' person-on-person death fights. We got a native American, armed presumably with weapons useful in hunting, and on the other hand, we have a guy from Indiana. Let the murder commence! Game, Illinois. (Mascot death fight records: Illinois, 3-3, Indiana, 2-5.)

That's it for now. But I got more headed at ya later, so, be there.