Last week a couple of Sippin' on Purple firsts occured: first off, we lost for the first time in a week the name of the week guy I picked won the vote, and second off, we lost the first time I said our mascot would lose in a fight to the death. I never thought I would see this day, and am personally distraught that my mascot death fights and name of the week actually have no effect on the game whatsoever.
Anyways, congratulations to Mr. Denzel Drone, who won the last vote with 22 votes, holding off stiff competition from TyQuan Hammock, who finished second with 16. (by the way, what's good with my polls on this site getting less votes than the polls on my old site? what, you thought i sold out?) I'll inscribe Denzel's name on my plaque, by which I mean the back of an old sunday night dinner flyer I took down while putting up new ones, whenever I dig it up from under other papers on my desk. I swear with Lorenzo Seaberry III as my witness that I'll find a way to get that plaque to whoever wins the grand name champion at the end of the year.
Anyways, onto the names. First, some honorable mentions: cornerback Andre LaGrone (hopefully pronounced la groan), long snapper Brandon Bugg and wide receiver Duwyce Wilson had game, but not enough to make it onto the list.
And now, the nominees:
#55, Deonte Mack: Pretty much anybody whose last name is "Mack" is awesome, except for maybe when your first name is Connie, or Freddie, because those dudes didn't seem that cool. When your first name is in fact, Deonte, it just hyperizes your cool factor.
Deonte started nine games last year at defensive tackle, and sacked CJ Bacher, but has only played in five games thus far this year and has fallen to third on the DT depth chart.
#16, Dusty Kiel: I have a sneaking suspicion Dusty Kiel is a country singer. A female country singer.
On the other hand, IU's roster tells me he's a freshman quarterback that's redshirting this year. But they can't be believed.
#57, Jammie Kirlew: I understand Jammie is probably pronounced "Jamie", but I like pretending that it's probably pronounced "Jammy." Like, what you might call a singular pajama if you're eight years old, like it rhymes with "Grammy." Like, "hey, dude, wanna play some NBA Live 2004?" "Nah, man, not now, I'm feeling a little bit more NBA Jam-my today". Also, Ice Cube says he pulled out the jammy in "Today was a Good Day", but I'm really not sure what he meant, but it was probably something cool.
Jammie is an all-around beast: he earned all-Big Ten honors at the DE spot (along with Corey Wootton) last season, was a finalist for the DE of the year award, and was an honorable mention all-American after finishing with 10.5 sacks and 19.5 TFL's. This year he hasn't slacked off, with 5.5 sacks, 12.5 TFL's, 2 fumbles recovered, and a bonkers 5 forced. Also, he's academic all-Big Ten with a 3.25 GPA, which is better than mine, and he's double majoring. Some people have it all, including great names.
#76, Rodger Saffold: There are two types of people whose names are phonetically pronounced "Roger" in this world. Those whose names are spelled "Roger" and those whose names are spelled "Rodger".
Some people are named Roger. These people are weak of heart and frequently (Clemens, Rabbit) are major disappointments to all those around them. These people disgust me.
Some people, through no fault of their own, have been given the name "Rodger" by their parents. These are the men upon whom great societies are built. These are the men who, despite having no positive Rodger role models, or even Roger role models, rise up against great adversity, such as people assuming your name is spelled "Roger" until you tell them "hey, there's actually a D in my name, not sure why. It's before the G. Don't ask," and people assuming you're some type of dirty hippie because of your misspelled name, and then people being all like "man, I hate that kid Rodger! What a stupid tool! That guy has no friends!" just because your name is spelled with an extra d. (or at least that's why I think they said that.)
Anyway, Rodger Saffold is a warrior. And we, the Rodgers of the world, salute him.
Rodger is a four year starter at left tackle who is tied for the team lead in starts with 36, and he's also a wonderful human being.
and my nominee for the winner...
#88, Damarlo Belcher.
It's like you took this guy and this guy (who I played in high school, btdubs), but just made their respectively names better. Damarlo Belcher. Ahhh, yes. Works perfectly. I really see no way I'm not inscribing this name on the chart next week, so, go for it.
On the field, Damarlo is the team's second best wide receiver, with 377 yards and two td's on the year, including a 33 yard snag against Eastern Kentucky and a 91-yard outing (including a 29-yard td) against Illinois last week.
Anyways, vote or die! Remember, all jinxes are off, so vote with your heart. (personally, I'm voting for Rodger Saffold. He's my dude.)