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I thought Purdue might be tempted to play dirty, but I didn't know they'd play this dirty.

Looking through Purdue's roster for my name of the week post, I was looking for nothing more than good names, but I found something much, much more disturbing.

Somewhere deep in the darkest hallways of Purdue University, higher-ups in the Boilermaker football braintrust and Purdue University scientists have worked together, and they've created a monster: yes, people, they have bizarro Andrew Brewer. 



Purdue's much, much more evil version of Andrew Brewer


I'm not sure how they did it - cloning, sacrificing animals, deviltry, and chilling with the creepy albino from the Da Vinci code are my top guesses - and I'm not sure what sick, perverted voodoo purpose he has. All I know is that they have him, and that he's probably going to do horrible things that human minds cannot possibly comprehend in an attempt to lure our Andrew Brewer over to the dark side.


Like regular Andrew, bizarro Brewer is 6'3 (dun dun DUN!) although our Brew is a 215 pound wide receiver and theirs is a 297 pound center, presumably skilled in murder. Our Andrew is a redshirt senior, and theirs is a redshirt freshman. (coincidence? I think not.)

And because their evil scientists are extra evil look at this: their Andrew "enjoys piano and guitar AND IS INTERESTED IN THE MISSION FIELD."

Yeah, that's right. They have a guy on their roster who is 6'3, named Andrew Brewer, and is interested in becoming a missionary when he's done playing college football.

I'm thinking there's no way this is a coincidence. I'm thinking that Purdue minions came to NU, waited for Andrew Brewer to fall asleep, stole his kidney while he was sleeping, then used it to grow this evil Brewer 2.0, because they're sick sadists and deserve to be brought to justice. Goodness knows how they intend on using him on Saturday - all I can say is that we should be scared. They won't hesitate to resort to anything to beat us, be it evil sorcery or, uh, trick plays. So be wary.