I received some disturbing news on Friday afternoon:
CNBC compiled their "best names in college football" teams, and although I certainly approve of the work done by NU grad Darren Rovell, as a supporter of all that's good in the world of names, I cannot stand for some of the name decisions made by the selecting committee.
First off, making name teams, but not actually making it positionally correct? Sloppy.
Secondly, some disturbing choices were made. Although I do approve of Minnesota Name of the Week winner Shady Salamon cracking the all-league first team, we had several Name of the Week runners-up - people who you, the voting populace of Sippin' on Purple, the finest voting committee known to man, didn't even deem to have the best name on their respective teams - cracking the lists. We have Iowa's Marvin McNutt and Collin Sleeper - McNutt lost a squeaker in the voting to Pat Angerer, Sleeper didn't even make the poll. We have Al-Terek McBurse from Purdue, who wasn't even in the running against Waynelle Gravesande. We have Wisconsin's Coddye Ring-Noonan, who lost to the melancholy heir, Prince Moody. And Illinois' Wisdom Onyegbule, who came up one short of beating Whitney Mercilus for Illinois' title. Not to mention Mikhail Marinovich, who didn't even make the voting list for Syracuse.
These are all minor outrages.
But to me, the biggest outrage is the naming of freshman Northwestern linebacker Chi Chi Ariguzo to the first team.
Don't get me wrong, Chi Chi Ariguzo is a good name. His last name is Ariguzo, which you don't see every day, and his first name is a derogatory term Jamaican people use for gay people, so there's that. Certainly an interesting name.
But, gents, we have a team with good names. Multiple good names. I'm not even talking about rookie guys whose names I've just seen for the first time, like Joe Cannon, Chance Carter, and Torin Dupper. I'm talking about Arby Fields. I'm talking about Adonis Smith. And of course, Stone Pinckney.
Sirs, by saying Chi Chi Ariguzo is the best name on our team, you're not only doing a disservice to your readers, and to Chi Chi, but to yourselves.
Signed,
Rodger Sherman, Supporter of Excellence in the Field of Naming.