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Name of the Week: Indiana Edition

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Northwestern might not be winning football games, but the Name of the Week isn't depressing, so there's that!

Congrats to Matt Stankiewitch for surprisingly running away with the Penn State name of the week poll over Tariq Tongue and Stephen Obeng-Agyapong. I appreciate his continued stankiness in the face of everybody wanting him to stop being so stanky.

On to the next one: I'm really not pleased with Indiana's name class. They have a lot of players who fit the "hey, my first name isn't a real name!" style of naming, but after a certain amount of time I've become disillusioned with this. Unless your name is a true standout - Barkevious, for example - you may or may not be more than honorable mention worthy.

In sad news, last year's winner Marlandez Harris announced he left the team a few weeks ago. Frowny face for Marlandez, you will always be remembered.

This week's honorable mentions include sophomore offensive tackle and former silent film star Charlie Chapman - just go by Charles or Chuck and save the jokes about a minor celebrity from the 1920's, dude - freshman wide receiver Jordan Jackson - I PERFORM LIKE MIKE, ANYONE, TYSON, JORDAN JACKSON, or alternately "I'm liable to go Michael, take your pick Tyson, Jackson, Jordan, game six" - freshman defensive back Landau Lang, freshman defensive lineman Adarius Rayner, not THE Darius, just A Darius - freshman safety Shaquille Jefferson, freshman safety Forisse Hardin, cornerback Peter St. Fort, who is notable for abbreviating the "Saint" in his last name, but not the "Fort", and whose name could very reasonably be a Catholic military establishment called Fort St. Peter, senior cornerback Lenyatta Kiles, freshman wide receiver Kofi Hughes, whose first name and last name are completely mismatched, and sophomore wide receiver Duwyce Wilson.

Daaaamn that was a mouthful! But as I said, mediocrity reigns. Jump it.

No. 8, Dusty Kiel: Yes, the older brother of Gunner, from a family with terrible wishes for the names of their children. For the record, his birth name is Dustin, but in hopes of sounding more like an old Western gunslinger or female country artist, he goes by Dusty. Dusty isn't a completely uncommon name, unlike the slighted Leneil, Lenyatta, and Duwyce, but to this day I've never understood why anybody would want to be associated with being unclean due to irrelevance.

Dusty has seen some time at QB, starting two games and nearly leading a comeback throwing two picks against North Texas - operative word, nearly - but has been replaced by Tre Roberson after a 6-of-19 performance culminating in an injured ankle against Illinois.

No. 47, Chase Hoobler: Hoobler!

Chase redshirted last year, but has Hoobled his way into a spot at the strong side linebacker spot, where he has 26 tackles, a TFL, and a forced fumble. He's been the starter all season long, but has been replaced by a third safety in the starting lineup three times.

No. 87, Leneil Himes: The idea of tagging "Le/Ja/La/De/Da" onto regular names is a time-honored one, seen in your Leseans, Lamarcuses, LaRons, and so on. However, never before has this been done to "Neil", the official name of your 38-year old IT guy. Have you ever met a four-year-old named Neil? Or Todd? They don't exist. Also, don't sleep on "Himes", because I kept typing it as "Hines".

Leneil's a redshirt freshman who has yet to play at fullback.

No. 84, Jamonne Chester: Jamaicans say his first name to each other and his last name is a first name.

Jamonne is a sophomore wide receiver who has contributed in the passing game, leading the team in receiving in his first start against North Texas with eight catches for 92 yards. Although he got yet to break into the end zone yet on the year.

No. 88, Damarlo Belcher: His first name is Damarlo and his last name is Belcher.

Damarlo is and has been for some time the Hoosiers' best wide receiver, a legitimate all-conference player - Phil Steele had him there this year. You might remember Belcher from his 11 receptions against NU last year, but if not, well, he's Damarlo Belcher and you'll see him scoring a touchdown Saturday probably.