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Congrats to the Class of 2011 from Sippin' on Purple

I was going to put up my first T.R.O.Y post today, commemorating the end of Juice Thompson's collegiate career. It's all written and everything. Get it? Commencement is today. Dr. Stephen T. Colbert is speaking, and I'm jealous as all hell.

But then I thought about how weird it would be to single out a single 5-foot-10, probably 5-foot-8 dude merely because of his considerably well-sized contributions on the basketball court. I didn't know many seniors when I was a freshman, because, well, they didn't live in dorms, and most of the seniors in my fraternity had already moved on. I had a handful of good friends who were seniors when I was sophomores, they spent most of this year visiting and occasionally texting me about things I wrote on my blog. But this class has been there, always seeming worlds older than me despite only a year's difference, since I got to campus. I've been closer to them than any class besides my own. On the field, this class seemed established when I got here, off the field, I've been looking up at them since I got here. And this is weird.

So I decided not to post about one single athlete, that series will be delayed. There are 2,000 kids graduating today. From Juice Thompson to my pledge dad (who has always read the site since it's inception but never asks for a shout-out, possibly because he's too humble, but more likely because he's a timid excuse for a human being) yes, even to Ivan Peljusic, all 2,000 of you have had an impact on my college experience. Actually, that's not even close to true. Less than half. Way less than half. I'd estimate one in 10 to one in 15 of you have had some impact on my college experience, and that's probably giving you guys too much credit, and for the other 90 percent of you, I'm glad I never met you and am glad you're gone forever.

This isn't going well. Let me start over.

There's 2,000 of you graduating today. Though I haven't met most of you, and some of you, including my pledge dad, aren't even worthy of being mentioned by my little blog every once in a while, you worthless, putrid, sacks of

Let me start over again.

The fact that you guys are getting Stephen Colbert is a freaking outrage. Sure, I would've liked Wilbon, but I accepted the fact he spoke last year because I figured they were saving Colbert up for the big guns, i.e. me.

"How could you do me like this, Northwestern?" I thought to myself. "How? I AM THE BIG GUNS." Couldn't you guys have figured out some way to make the Yankees once-in-a-blue moon trip to Wrigley work with NU alum Joe Girardi giving a commencement speech this year? I'm a Yankees fan, and even I don't want to hear him speak.

But then I remembered: I might not have met all of you. No, in fact, I'd estimate I've met one in 10 of you, and that's being generous. (After all, screw you guys.) And even less of you read my dumb little blog about Northwestern sports. Probably closer to one in 2,000 of you. (Pledge dad.) But regardless, we are Northwestern. In a world filled with U of I fans, smug Ivy Leaguers, and worst of all, Iowa fans, we have this purple bond that connects us. Sure, most of you worked harder than me and got better grades, but at the end of the day, we have this in common, even if I do fail out and don't earn a degree over the next 12 months. It's the thing that connects me to most of my commenters, even those of different years, different frats, different generations, whatever. We all experienced these four years in this place with six months of crappy weather, one crappy bar, and two perpetually painful purple sports teams. This is who we are, and as your travels, jobs, and generally successful lives take you far away from that crappy bar, or, in the case of that one guy who overstays his welcome for about two or three years, not very far away from that crappy bar, we have this.

And thus, I don't hate you. Well, most of you. I'd say somewhere between one in 10 and one in 15 of you, I don't hate.

Sure, you got Stephen Colbert, but I can't stay mad at you. After all, in case you haven't noticed, this is a friggin thrilling entry in my budding #shermanforcommencement2012 campaign, which will rock the f*ck out of the crowd in ways Stephen Colbert can only dream about.

Congrats, bros. You've made it. And to those of you who read the site, first off, why? and second off, thanks for making this a part of your NU experience.

Go U, yo.