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I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot: Week 2

I'm Not A Degenerate, I Just Gamble A Lot is Sippin' On Purple's weekly discussion of college football point spreads, and by college football, we mean Big Ten games plus other national games of interest. All suggested wagers are for entertainment purposes only. All lines courtesy of, all times are central time

Season profit (including the vig): 9.18 Lundys

After a dominant Week 1 performance, in which I won enough Lundys to give every Northwestern player a free hooker, I'm back for more. It's a pretty crappy slate of games this week, which means you'll have to gamble to keep yourself entertained. So bet these picks and by next week you'll have enough Lundys to be ballin' outta control on your own yacht in the beautiful waters of Lake Michigan.


Arizona Wildcats at #9 Oklahoma St. Cowboys (-14), 7 PM, ESPN

This is the first I've heard of OSU being a top ten team, but I guess it makes sense since they have All-American wide receiver Justin Blackmon (no relation as far as I know to former NU great Harold Blackmon) and a 27 year old minor league baseball washout Brandon Weeden at quarterback, who unlike Dave Shinskie is actually good at football. Also, OSU routed Arizona in the Alamo Bowl to end last season, so they should do it again here. T. Boone Pickens approves.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys


#21 Missouri Tigers at Arizona St. Sun Devils (-7.5), 9:30 PM, ESPN

Call me crazy, but I'm a little confused as to how the ranked team is more than a touchdown underdogs to the unranked team, especially since Arizona State was only 6-6 last year with two of those wins over FCS teams, and their only win this year over an FCS team. Missouri did struggle last week against Miami (Ohio) but they should be able to stay within a touchdown here.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys


Oregon St. Beavers at #8 Wisconsin Badgers (-20.5), 11 AM, ESPN

Oregon State couldn't stop Sacramento State last week, now they get to deal with Wisconsin's juggernaut offense. Don't see how they let up less than 50. As long as Bielema doesn't take his foot off the gas in the fourth quarter again, Wisconsin in a landslide.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

Florida Atlantic Owls at #17 Michigan St. Spartans (-32.5), 11 AM, ESPN2

Howard Schnellenberger, the legend himself!

Toledo Rockets at #15 Ohio St. Buckeyes (-19), 11 AM, BTN

Like any red-blooded American, I hate betting on Ohio State, but their defense is really goddamn good and I don't see Toledo being able to stop their offense.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Iowa Hawkeyes at Iowa St. Cyclones (+7), 11 AM, FSN

Black Heart Gold Pants is at its best when mocking opposing teams and their fans, and they've outdone themselves this week with an essay by jebushchrist on how he's going to have sex with Cyclone Fan's mother. Seriously, stop what you're doing and read that.

Done? Ok then. As for this game, I'm not sure what's going to happen, but when in doubt, bet against Iowa.

Bet Size: 1 Lundy

South Dakota St. Jackrabbits at Illinois Fighting Illini (-20.5), 11 AM, BTN

Last year the Jackrabbits took out Tim Brewster, can they claim another bumbling coaches' scalp and vanquish Ron Zook? Probably not, but as we learned last week, always bet against a Zook-coached team when you're getting three touchdowns.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

#3 Alabama Crimson Tide at #23 Penn St. Nittany Lions (+10), 2:30 PM, ABC

Matt McGloin and/or Robert Bolden against a Nick Saban-coached Alabama defense? Forget about it. I don't see any way Penn State even gets to 14 points in this one. I know Alabama is having trouble finding a new quarterback, but given how many turnovers their defense will force, it shouldn't matter. Alabama is the stone lock of the week here. If you want to tease them with the under 42, that's a fine option too.

Bet Size: 7 Lundys

Eastern Illinois Panthers at Northwestern Wildcats (-31), 2:30 PM, BTN

Fitz will go to the backups and start running the ball every play if and when NU gets a big lead here; this has late cover written all over it. In the words of Teddy KGB, pay that man his money.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys

New Mexico St. Aggies at Minnesota Golden Gophers (-20), 2:30 PM, BTN

Ok, look Gophers. I know your football program has fallen on hard times, but I'm looking at the BTN website for TV listings, and Northwestern vs. a crappy FCS team is being televised in more markets across the country than your game against an FBS team. Embarrassing. I refuse to bet on any of your games until you get it together.

Purdue Boilermakers at Rice Owls (+1), 2:30 PM, CBSSN

Wait a minute. Last year, Northwestern plays at Rice, and the only way to watch it was on that goddamn overpriced Owlvision streaming video buffercast horseshit, and now Purdue goes down there and you get the game on national television (on the network formerly known as CBS College)? Brutal.

And also, Purdue must needs be ashamed at only being one point favorites against Rice. In fact, I checked with Jim Delaney, and if you end up as an underdog to Rice, you get relegated to the MAC, so Purdue has a lot to play for here. Take the Boilers and hope Caleb Turbush doesn't blow out his ACL.

Bet Size: 2 Lundys

Fresno St. Bulldogs at #10 Nebraska Cornhuskers (-28), 6 PM, BTN

Nebraska games being on BTN is going to take a lot of getting used to.

Virginia Cavaliers at Indiana Hoosiers (+7), 6 PM, BTN

Man, Indiana is awful. That Old Oaken Bucket game is going to be even more of a slapfight than last year.

Notre Dame Fighting Irish at Michigan Wolverines (+3.5), 7 PM, ESPN

After Notre Dame's awful showing against South Florida, I don't get how they're a favorite here. Denard early and often.

Bet Size: 3 Lundys.