Name of the Week: Iowa

First off, congratulations to Ryker Fyfe for taking a whopping 52 percent of votes last week. There was really no competition, except for Tyler WullenwubbwubwubWWEEEEEBwob Wullenwaber. So good on that.

In bad news, four of the five people I nominated in last year's Iowa poll are gone, most notably multiple time winner Marvin McNutt, who is now McNutting all over the Philadelphia Eagles.

That left the name pool somewhat depleted, but we'll do what we can.

No. 50, Palmer Foster, OLB: FRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT

Palmer Foster hasn't played yet in two years as a walk-on. He is not whom the Foster-Walker complex is named after, so don't worry, he's not that suicidally depressing.

No. 11, Kevonte Martin-Manley: Coach Ferentz ain't do it right if you aaaaaaaask me - If I was him I'd play KEVONTE MARTIN-MANLEY

Also, his first name is "Kevonte", so there's that. It is a pretty manly name, i guess. He could also appear as the discount store superhero K-MARTMAN.

K-MM is the team's second leading receiver, with 29 receptions and a TD.

No. 37, John Lowdermilk, DB: Lowdermilk sounds gross. This also sounds like the name of a eival bar to John Barleycorn.

Lowdermilk is a backup free safety, who has four tackles on the year.

No. 10, Collin Sleeper, DB: Still my SLEEPER for name of the week, amirite guys, high five!

He's a senior DB with two tackles in five games, so, yeah.

No. 87, Jake Duzey, TE: You're gonna want to wait for this one.

I think this guy - Jake Duzey his name is - I think his name is a real...

doozy

i just don't have the heart for this anymore

vote