I'm actually writing this Tuesday morning on a bus going to Cape Cod, where I will wear pastel-colored shorts and boat shoes and do whatever else rich white people are supposed to do. Don't worry, y'all - there'll be multiple posts per day erry day this week, even if nothing happens. I know that because I'm writing them on this bus! That said, stuff could happen!
No. 38, Arthur Omilian, RS freshman, kicker
Who he be: Arthur be a redshirt freshman kicker. CAN'T YOU READ?!?!?!?! He's from Atlanta, but he holds dual Polish-Canadian citizenship, so don't be surprised if he celebrates Northwestern scoring a rouge when a punt goes out of the end zone or tries to kick from the 53 yard line. (Yes, those were awful Canadian football jokes.) He has aggressively blond hair. And before you ask, yes, he has a YouTube highlight video, and yes, it's just him kicking.
Cash Money Omilianaires: (Scene: Birdman sits at his desk. He is rubbing his hands together while one of his lackeys counts money. Arthur knocks on the door.)
Birdman's lackey: Birdman will see you now. (Arthur enters.)
Arthur Omliian: You wanted to see me?
Arthur: I'll show myself out.
Looking forward: For now, Arthur is Northwestern's third- or fourth-string kicker. However, both NU's kickers who play, Jeff Budzien and Steve Flaherty, will graduate within the next two years. I'd give Omilian some chance to take the gig, but NU has a kicker recruited in the class of 2013, Hunter Niswander, so maybe not.