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SoP Q-and-A: @hermstheword Pretends To Like Illinois Football

Herm's hero.
Herm's hero.

Over the next few weeks, I plan on doing Q-and-A's with opposing bloggers about Northwestern's football season. The only problem is that the questions I ask are generally different from those normal people ask, and then one question about football.

Today: since there's no suitable Illinois blog, we again turn to famed South Dakota blogger Herman. hat is life like for an Illinois fan in a world without Ron Zook and Bruce Weber? Besides, you know, less yelling.

Before I get started talking about football or Illini football, I'd like to do one thing. And that is, today is not Tim Beckman's mother's birthday. So I want to wish Pat Beckman a happy non-birthday. She's driving up here, and I can't wait to see her for her non-birtnday. I did want to do that for Tim's mom, because we know how important those people are and how important your parents are to you.
Now, as to your question, the word I'd use to describe it is excited. (link: I'm excited about Tim Beckman. I'm excited about his commitment. I was so excited about him, seven of my assistant bloggers and I camped out on Toledo's campus to try and recruit him mere hours after Ron Zook was fired. Actually, we camped out on Kevin Sumlin's lawn first, but then he called the cops on us, so then we went to Beckman's office.
We tried the same strategy for basketball, too, camping out at VCU, then at Butler, before giving up. Who the hell is John Groce?
Do you miss the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk? How does having had possession of the Land of Lincoln or LoL Trophy feel?
Of course I miss the Sweet Sioux Tomahawk. The PC police keep taking away all of our heritage, which have absolutely nothing to do with outdated stereotypes and everything to do with good wholesome fun. Thanks to the no-fun NCAA, we can no longer dress up a frat boy in a feathered headdress, finger paint his face and have him prance, skip and hop around on the field in a totally not-racist manner to rouse the crowd.
But the LoL Trophy's pretty cool. Tim Beckman's fired up about it, telling the team how it's the most important trophy they'll ever play for. He's always going on about stuff like that.

Northwestern and Illinois are locked in somewhat of a battle for the hearts and minds of the people of Illinois, and specifically, Chicago. Why does Illinois feel this fight is so important? And why does Illinois think it's the rightful owner of the... uh... Land of Lincoln?
Well, duh. Our state. Our team. Unless you happen to be a Northern Illinois fan, in which case, I guess it's your tax dollars and your state, too.
Seriously, though, we are definitely suffering from an inferiority complex to you guys, "that team from up north." But don't get a big head about it. We have other rivalries, too. You know, like "that team from further up north," which obviously is Wisconsin. There's also "that team from across the corn field," which, as you know, is Iowa. And then there's "South Bend's not-Big Ten Team," obviously Notre Dame. There's "the Big 12's Big Ten Team," which is Nebraska. And, of course, there's "Chicago's Big Ten Team," which is Northwe... Dammit, how'd that happen? Every single time!

Do you really prefer orange to purple?
The battle between orange and purple is a deep-rooted, historical and extraterrestrial affair, as recounted in this documentary (
As you can see from that accurate and not weird at all video, our fight is one of mind over matter. Or matter over mind, as the case may be. For example, as this other documentary film shows, we the orange clearly are superior in strength and might to you pathetic purple ( But for some strange reason, this scientific poll ( shows that orange has a long ways to go before winning over the hearts of humanity. Still, the battle rages on ( I do not expect it to be settled any time soon.
THE ONE QUESTION ABOUT FOOTBALL: How might a Northwestern-Illinois matchup go this season? Will Tim Beckman be, you know, competent? Will Northwestern be able to keep Nathan Scheelhaase out of his wheelhouse?

Well, Beckman's excited, so I am, too. No doubt it's going to be a ball-buster of a game. But, sorry Northwestern fans, Illinois is going to take this one, on the strength of our nut-crunching defense. Beckman teaches his guys to go straight for the jewels. Kain Colter will never see the low blows coming. You guys are going to be doubled over watching us high-knee into the endzone.