It's Wednesday, and I'm tired of writing things before the links, man. Here's the links.
Marknado!!!: Did any of you watch Sharknado, the brilliant movie that took over all of our Thursday nights with it's damn TORNADO MADE OUT OF SHARKS? Well, you should have, there was Tara Reid and a dude jumping into a shark with a chainsaw. Anyway, Northwestern also has a tornado made out of sharks, and it's just 5'7 and murderous and will score 42 punt return touchdowns and win the Heisman this year and MARKNADO MARKNADO MARKNADO:
Eternal props to @dar0628 for this one. You win a prize. I also think it was West Lot Pirates on the nickname, so props to them too. And yes, we will be calling Venric Mark this all year, unless someone comes up with a better nickname, which, hint, they won't.
Zook at me now/Zook at me now/Zook at me now/I'm getting paper: Ron Zook has a job! Not a football job, though, he works at a bank in Ocala, Florida. Yes, that Ron Zook. Yes, his picture is on the website.
I always liked having Zook on the job down in Champaign -- he's one of those rare coaches in the Big Ten Northwestern had an above-.500 winning percentage against -- but I think we'll do juuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuust fine with this Beckman figure. So, until then, let us enjoy EDSBS on Zook at his new job.
(By the way, you probably know Spencer Hall is brilliant, but look at his recap of SEC Media Days, Day 1. Judging by when media days ended, that took him less time to write than my dumb Ballad of the Twitter Kid Who Streaked at the All-Star Game and his Girlfriend. How the hell does he do that? Regardless, I'm glad he does.) (By the way, read that too, but it's funny because of the stupid kid, not because of anything I did.)
EAT IT, MOUNTAINTIGER: You really should go read Maize N Brew's post about how Northwestern runs one playbook, but with two quarterbacks. Great stuff. Also, they had posts on Northwestern's offense and I went over there for a Q-and-A where I express that I may or may not hate Roy Roundtree more than anything on this planet. They also did other things. Maize N Brew, a good blog, you guys!
Deathfights: Two of our B1G blogs discussed the truly important things this week, which is to say, which coaches would win if all Big Ten coaches had to fight for their lives. The Crimson Quarry broke down whatever the hell happens in The Hunger Games with a Big Ten twist, and I think it's pretty clear Pat Fitzgerald would win. And The Champaign Room wrote up the scenario of all the Big Ten basketball coaches on a desert island, where I don't really like Chris Collins' chances as much -- too naive. Personally, I see Bo Ryan, the blood of his opponents smeared on his forehead, standing on top of a rock and bellowing in victory. But that's just me.
Meanwhile, The Daily Gopher had a fanpost outchea comparing Big Ten teams to My Little Pony characters, which, well, I dunno.
Matt Eliason, still living the dream: He got interviewed on the ESPNews version of SportsCenter. It sounds like he's definitely hearing from some professional teams, which is just AWESOME. He also reunited with Thierry Henry, who passed him the cross he got to bicycle kick home:
It's NU day on the BTN!: This stuff is on. (I don't get the BTN here, though, so, shrug emoticon. Just BTN2Go. Can I watch this stuff on there? Cuz I will.)
WHO WATCHES THE WATCHLISTS (I think I say that every time but w/e): Do you care about them? Ibraheim Campbell is on the Thorpe list, Tyler Scott is on the Nagurski list -- for the best defensive player in the country!!! -- so that's nice, Brandon Vitabile is on the Outland list for the best lineman, and Vitabile and Scott are on the stupid Lombardi list for the best front seven player/lineman, which is stupid.
Good thing we tanked all those years: Andy Staples does this kinda interesting hypothetical that's a one-round mock draft of college football, 1-125, which is sorta the inverse of how college football works, because normally you go play for the best teams if you're really good. Anyway, one Northwestern player got selected, Venric Mark, No. 95 to UCLA, and Northwestern didn't get to pick until 105, because, remember, we're good now. We took a cornerback from Oklahoma, Aaron Colvin, which is dumb, because Kain Colter and Tyler Scott were still on the board.
'crootin: One update here:
Yeah, Northwestern probably won't get him, but it's a start.
More from Sippin' On Purple:
- Northwestern basketball summer update: John Shurna on the Bucks, Alex Olah in Romania
- Thursday Sips, ft. NU SPORTS JOKE THIEVERY, new numbers, a tragic misspelling
- SoP Psychoanalytics Theater: Breaking down Reggie Hearn's dream about me and him being chased by hyenas
- Messi & Friends: From Fan to Player to SportsCenter
- Collin Ellis, Northwestern Wildcats football, No. 45