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Inside NU Bachelorette recap, Episode 5: No more, please

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This show is incredibly frustrating, and Anthony was barely in it, again.

ABC

I’m not quite ready to say this show is an embarrassment to American popular culture, but if I have to watch Lee on this show for another week, I will certainly condemn it into the dustbin.

Let’s run through Anthony’s appearance on this show. First, there was the rose ceremony. Because Anthony is a normal person who hasn’t gotten sucked into the grand, manufactured and utterly inane malaise of The Bachelorette, he advanced into the next episode. He will be in Norway for the foreseeable future. Anthony does nothing besides occasionally look good on camera and make light conversation. This episode, we got a decent conversation that looked completely staged between Anthony and Eric discussing why Rachel hasn’t picked a “brother”. Anthony, of course, gave the nice answer about how Rachel sees the black men on the show as “individuals”, rather than as a bloc of suitors to be generalized.

That being said, I thought Eric had a semi-legitimate point, but I digress. Anthony shut me and Eric down. It was a fine speech. It was also completely out of place. It was COMPLETELY STAGED for the ABC-viewing, non-racist public. I’m kinda sad they put Anthony in that, but there was no one else who could provide a foil for Eric with Iggy removed in the rose ceremony.

Most characters on The Bachelorette have a foil. Kenny/Lee, Eric/Iggy, etc. Anthony’s problem is that he is a foil for the entire exercise. Anthony, like some characters on reality television shows, is just there to exist. He’s not there to provide entertainment. It’s the Northwestern way.

Thus, we were left with a vaguely entertaining trip to Oslo, Norway. The guys played handball, which was excellent entertainment as handball is the best sport you’ve probably never seen. I would suggest you watch some real handball.

Anthony acquitted himself well at handball, being a Big Ten athlete and all. He’s still way behind Bryan, the favorite from the one-on-one date and the winner of the first impression rose, who had arguably the best date on the show thus far. He’s still way ahead of Jack, who was painfully awkward and then got sent home in the first 20 minutes.

Then, the showrunners Rachel scheduled a two-on-one date with Kenny and Lee. This was obviously set up to raise the tensions. The fact that Lee is still on this show despite his latent racism and disdain for everyone on this show, including Rachel, is beyond me. Lee is a jerk. He’s a jerk because he lies to people and we can see it on camera. No one is rooting for Lee. Shockingly, Lee lied again in this episode. What a surprise.

However, we still didn’t get to see Lee and Kenny fight for real. The show has been hyping up this fight since Episode 1, and threw in around four previews for the event on this episode. They still pushed it to Tuesday’s episode to garner more ratings.

I can’t believe this show is two hours. I’m almost certain the commercial breaks in this show are longer than Super Bowl interludes. Lee, the extended commercials, the fake drama and the staged conversations make The Bachelorette unwatchable. Despite this, no one can stop watching. Not even me.

So we shall be back tomorrow, to cover the inevitable fight scene and a conspicuous lack of Anthony. In true Northwestern fashion, he is going to hang around quietly until he is heartbreakingly eliminated in the end.

Poll

Will Anthony cry if he gets eliminated from The Bachelorette

This poll is closed

  • 5%
    Yes
    (8 votes)
  • 15%
    No
    (22 votes)
  • 78%
    ‘Cats don’t cry.
    (109 votes)
139 votes total Vote Now

Fantasy Update:

I will give a full update after Tuesday’s episode.