Northwestern replaces fourth quarter pump-up song with “Turbulence”

It’s been two years since Cats fans have let themselves go wild to “Put Your Hands Up (in the air).” But there has been a changing of the guard. NU Athletics replaced the fourth quarter tradition last season with “Let Me Clear My Throat,” but that experiment did not end well. Instead, the final quarter of tomorrow’s season-opener against Nevada will instead begin with Steve Aoki’s and Laidback Luke’s “Turbulence.”

That’s right. Northwestern Wildside announced Thursday that the beloved sight of the NU student section flailing their arms for a seemingly endless period of time will soon be replaced with the viewing pleasure of a mosh pit of former high-school valedictorians “hitting turbulence.”

From afar this seems like a step in the right direction. Replacing the outdated 2006 Danzel hit with the slightly less outdated bass-poppin’, fraternity-party staple is a no-brainer. But let’s take this time to line up behind center, and read the defense as the couch quarterback/music critics we truly are.

It’s a critical time for the Northwestern Athletics Department, considering three new songs in three years sounds like a Cleveland Browns headline.

NU needed to come up big here and find its franchise song — not just another game-manager that would get the job done. No, this song needed to be a banger. And nothing screams banger like Laidback Luke whipping his dreads back and forth in pure Willow Smith fashion.

But let’s take a halfback dive into the deeper meaning of “Turbulence,” and scour for some profound meaning in this song that is truly bereft of any profound meaning whatsoever.

“Attention passengers

This is your captain speaking

I regret to inform you, we might encounter some turbulence”

There’s only 28 lines in “Turbulence,” and about a quarter of them are Steve Aoki and Laidback Luke introducing themselves, making this a pretty quick couch quarterback session.

However, when we take a closer look at this song selection, we notice the true genius behind this choice. “Turbulence,” serves two meanings here. The NU student section will crank up the decibel meter to “Finals Week Primal Scream” levels causing the stadium to shake, and the Cats secondary will be nothing but a bumpy ride for opposing QBs.

The proclaimed Sky Team needs no introduction, after hauling in 16 interceptions last season. But if the unit did get an introduction, Steve Aoki would be the logical emcee.

NU fans will have to wait until the students return for the team’s game against Bowling Green on Sept. 16 to see how the new tradition is received. But until then, “Put your hands up high. Like you’re in a roller coaster,” and “Initiate emergency procedures,” because college football is back.