****WARNING****

The opinions of this author are his own, and are not shared by the rest of the editorial staff here at Inside NU.

The content of this piece may or may not be entirely serious.

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Let me preface this article by making one thing clear:

I love Clayton Thorson and couldn’t be happier that he’s getting his rightful shot at the next level with a top-caliber NFL team. As a Northwestern fan, I will always root for Clayton Thorson, and I wish him the best as he embarks on what I hope will be a successful and sustainable NFL career.

That being said, I hate the Philadelphia Eagles.

I don’t have much of a reason to hate the Eagles besides the fact that I’m from Dallas, but ever since attending the “Double Doink” game and seeing the raucous Philly fans try to fight and trash-talk every living thing within a ten foot radius of them during that game, I’ve decided that organization is just not for me.

As I mentioned above, I’ll root for Thorson no matter what, but I have to admit that it’s going to be hard to do so if he starts having success and winning games for the lovely city of Philly and their gracious fans.

Seeing one of the greatest to ever don the purple get selected by that organization was a bittersweet moment for me, and I’m sure at least some of you felt the same way. So, with that in mind, here are 31 reasons why I wish any of the other 31 teams in the NFL had taken Clayton Thorson instead of the Eagles.

Arizona Cardinals

Kliff Kingsbury would turn Thorson into the greatest quarterback in NFL history.

Atlanta Falcons

I could be legitimately convinced that Thorson could beat out Matt Ryan and Matt Schaub and become a starting NFL quarterback.

Baltimore Ravens

Clayton Thorson and Lamar Jackson become the second-most lethal quarterback tandem in the modern era, slightly behind the Clayton Thorson/TJ Green duo we got in the first three games of NU’s 2018 season.

Buffalo Bills

Would have loved to see the Bills Mafia smash some tables in honor of Clayton Thorson.

Carolina Panthers

Tell me this guy doesn’t belong in the South:

Chicago Bears

He’s already a Chicago sports legend, but he would take it to another level by winning six super bowls and surpassing Michael Jordan as the greatest Chicago athlete of all time.

Cincinnati Bengals

In the vein of the Falcons part from above, you could DEFINITELY convince me that Thorson is better than Andy Dalton and would immediately become an NFL starter.

Cleveland Browns

Clayton Thorson and Baker Mayfield would be a hilarious friendship.

Dallas Cowboys

Really can’t think of anything for this one.

Denver Broncos

Seeing Denver start a Northwestern quarterback three of the last four seasons would be amazing.

Detroit Lions

We’d get to see Thorson on Thanksgiving morning every year and hopefully they’d feature his family at least one time on one of the weird Fox player-on-the-couch cutaways they always do.

Green Bay Packers

The possibility of a Thorson “Lambeau Leap” has me salivating.

Houston Texans

Thorson somehow beats out Deshaun Watson for the starting job and dukes it out against the Colts and Anthony Walker Jr. (and hopefully Jordan Thompson too!) twice a year to see who wins the AFC South.

Indianapolis Colts

Gets revenge on Dwayne Haskins in an NFL rematch at Lucas Oil Stadium.

Jacksonville Jaguars

I, for one, would love to see Clayton Thorson donning this gorgeous uniform.

USA Today

Kansas City Chiefs

Pat Mahomes could learn a thing or two from Thorson’s game.

Los Angeles Rams

Imagine the type of player Sean McVay could turn Thorson into...

Los Angeles Chargers

This one should be obvious. JJTBC, reunited.

Miami Dolphins

Ryan Fitzpatrick and Clayton Thorson on the same team = unfair. Quarterback IQ off the charts.

Minnesota Vikings

We already know Thorson looks good in purple, why not keep it that way?

New England Patriots

Becomes the next Tom Brady, obviously.

New Orleans Saints

If Clayton Thorson threw an NFL touchdown to Austin Carr I might spontaneously combust.

New York Giants

This one was also really hard.

New York Jets

Touchdown Trevor and Big Play Clay on the same team!!!!

Oakland Raiders

Earns the starting job by the time the team finally moves to Las Vegas and transforms into a Sin City Icon.

Pittsburgh Steelers

Gotta admit this is still not a great option but really just anywhere other than Philly would’ve made me happier.

San Francisco 49ers

If he got drafted to SF he would 100 percent certainly be in the stands for Northwestern’s opener at Stanford and the joy on my face for that ESPN cutaway...

Seattle Seahawks

Thorson raising the 12th man flag as a retired Seahawk legend would be so hype.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers

We could go watch his games for free.

Tennessee Titans

This one gives me legitimate pause. I’m not sure I would ever want to see Thorson take the field in Nashville after that fateful trick play in the 2017 Music City Bowl.

Washington Redskins

I’m imagining the thought of Thorson recreating this moment after a big win and how awesome would that be.