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RESULTS: Ranking Big Ten football coaches based on who you’d want to quarantine with

If Dantonio hadn’t retired, we’re sure he’d rank 15th.

Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Our audience survey ranking the Big Ten head football coaches you’d most want to quarantine with is complete. Thank you to the 109 respondents (or however many people submitted multiple rankings) for helping us in this fun endeavor and giving us some lively quotes.

For full transparency, here is what we did to display the following data: we calculated the average ranking, median ranking and mode ranking for each coach and decided to rank them using the average. To paint more of a full picture of the data, we published the median and mode rankings as well as some of the fan reasonings given in support.

A special thank you to the person who ranked every coach tenth and said “I’m testing your data validation.” We aren’t data scientists or statisticians and certainly don’t intend on using these metrics as NextGen personality stats, but we salute you.

There are two clear takeaways: Fitz (unsurprisingly) wins by a country mile, and West division coaches dominate this list.

14. Mike Locksley, Maryland


Average Ranking: 9.76

Median Ranking: 10

Mode Ranking: 13


“Locksley has a career record of 6-40 in CFB. That is all.”

“Mike, can we please change the wallpaper to anything other than the MD helmet design?”

13. James Franklin, Penn State


Average Ranking: 9.35

Median: 10

Mode: 14


“James, you don’t have to tell me three times a day that if we can hang in long enough, we can beat this thing.”

12. Greg Schiano, Rutger


Average Ranking: 9.33

Median: 10

Mode: 11


“Schiano gave up 49 points to Purdue with the 2nd and 3rd overall picks in this draft on his defense, can’t trust him ever again.”

11. Jim Harbaugh, Michigan

via Chicago Sun Times

Average Ranking: 9.05

Median: 11

Mode: 14


“Like being quarantined with Norman Bates.”

10. Mel Tucker, Michigan State


Average Ranking: 8.78

Median: 9

Mode: 10


“Never heard of him.”

Well, you’ll hear of him if Northwestern’s season opener at MSU happens.

9. Tom Allen, Indiana

TaxSlayer Gator Bowl - Indiana v Tennessee Photo by Joe Robbins/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 7.88

Median: 8

Mode: 11


“Tom Allen is boring, but I’d rather have boring than annoying during quarantine.”

“We quarantine at my place. He’ll be happy to be out of Indiana.”

8. P.J. Fleck, Minnesota

Minnesota v Iowa Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 7.31

Median: 7

Mode: 2


“Spending a day with Fleck would be exhausting and maddening.”

“Fleck is a great guy, but the ‘Row the Boat’ schtick would get old pretty quickly.”

7. Jeff Brohm, Purdue

Purdue v Penn State Photo by Scott Taetsch/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 7.08

Median: 7

Mode: 5


“Brohm is young and has an interesting football mind, would have some great convos.”

Maybe he can bring in Rondale Moore as your personal home trainer.

6. Paul Chryst, Wisconsin

Wisconsin v Minnesota Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 7.06

Median: 7

Mode: 6


“Chryst seems like a low key guy that you could have a beer and not be annoying. We are talking quarantine here so too much intensity does not bode well.”

“Would share his Wisconsin fried junk food with me.”

“Chryst is solid in every respect.”

If there is ever someone who personifies solid, it’s Chryst.

5. Ryan Day, Ohio State

College Football Playoff Semifinal at the PlayStation Fiesta Bowl - Clemson v Ohio State Photo by Ralph Freso/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 6.97

Median: 7

Mode: 8


“Day is a genius, and I’d learn a ton from him, although I’d be concerned at what he might be able to convince me to do given how good he is at convincing kids to commit to OSU.”

“Way too many expectations placed on me.”

For what it’s worth, Day is a known mental health advocate, and in a time like this, living with him would be a plus.

4. Scott Frost, Nebraska

Nebraska v Maryland Photo by G Fiume/Maryland Terrapins/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 6.75

Median: 7

Mode: 5


“If I get Covid-19, he can probably get me admitted at the U of N Covid facility.”

“You need someone who comes through on promises during quarantine, i.e. not Scott Frost.”

3. Kirk Ferentz, Iowa

Iowa v Northwestern Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 6.26

Median: 5

Mode: 2


“Ferentz is the same now as he was 20 years ago, and I need that consistency during times like this.”

Folks, this is the guy who punted on 4th-and-one at the NU 45-yard line last October.

2. Lovie Smith, Illinois

Redbox Bowl - California v Illinois Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 5.90

Median: 5

Mode: 2


“Lovie, I’m having problems falling asleep. Please talk to me.”

“Lovie’s pretty chill, and I wouldn’t worry too much about him coming up with some grand strategy to out-maneuver me in a competition.”

1. Pat Fitzgerald, Northwestern

Northwestern v Nebraska Photo by Steven Branscombe/Getty Images

Average Ranking: 1.64

Median: 1

Mode: 1


“Fitz seems like the kind of person who would be fun when you wanted and give you space when you needed it.”

“Good guy. Good coach. Good sense of humor. Brings out the best.”

“C’mon now. Fitz all the way.”

“Go ‘Cats.”

Never a doubt.

Once again, thanks to our friends at Maize N Brew for this idea.