Unsung heroes: The dedication and pride of Northwestern lacrosse parents

When walking into WakeMed Soccer Park during the 2024 NCAA Division I Women’s Lacrosse Final Four, one of the most noticeable presences was a big white tent camped by the entrance with a Northwestern flag hanging from it. With crowds in matching bright purple shirts and country music that echoed from the speakers, it was almost certain to catch one’s attention.

Beneath that tent were all the relatives, friends and fans of the Northwestern women’s lacrosse team, which competed in the Final Four and eventually lost to Boston College in the national championship game. These fans, who came from areas ranging from California to Long Island, all gathered in Cary, North Carolina, to support the competing players, permeating the atmosphere with their pregame tailgates and forming a sea of purple in the stadium. Many of them are parents who routinely travel halfway across the country to support their daughters every weekend, and this trip to Cary marks the final stop on a season-long adventure.

“[Traveling] is one hundred percent worth it,” said Michelle Shanley, a Syracuse, New York, native and the mother of graduate student Katie Shanley and Northwestern lacrosse director of operations Kiera Shanley. “You sacrifice for your own family, but you kind of build a new family.”

Many of the Northwestern lacrosse parents in Cary have known each other for over half a decade, sharing journeys that began when their daughters first committed to the program. Aside from raising kids who are among the best lacrosse players in the nation, these parents share another thing in common — an intense dedication toward supporting their children’s every endeavor.

For example, Patricia Scane, the mother of graduate student Izzy Scane, drove approximately 44 hours between Evanston, Illinois, and Ithaca, New York, from May 2 to May 5 to watch her daughter and son Griffin (a current sophomore at Penn) compete in the semifinals and finals of the Big Ten and Ivy League conference tournaments. The trek involved an 11-hour overnight drive and a day of running on two hours of sleep inside a truck stop. In fact, the Scane family minivan has more than 440,000 miles on it, primarily due to lacrosse trips of the four Scane siblings.

Similarly, Scott and Jennifer Coykendall, the parents of graduate student Erin Coyendall, have not missed one of their daughter’s lacrosse events in 15 years (except for games during the COVID-19 pandemic). Their dedication to Erin is so prevalent that patients at their chiropractor office in Rochester, New York, know not to book appointments during weekends of Northwestern lacrosse games.

Part of this dedication comes from a pure desire as parents to support their children. But another part is the awareness that playing lacrosse at a championship-caliber program like Northwestern is a once-in-a-lifetime journey to witness.

“When your kid gets to this level, you don’t want to miss it,” Jennifer Coykendall said. “Most parents make every effort possible to go to all these games. They plan weddings around our games.”

“Every day, we don’t take anything for granted and know that 98% of the population who play lacrosse don’t have this experience,” Coykendall added.

Northwestern families, bonded by their fervent support for the team, have formed an extended community revolving around the Lake Show. During the Wildcats’ off day between the semifinal and championship game on May 25, their families could be seen in packs gathering in a Raleigh bar to watch the NCAA men’s lacrosse Final Four, renting out a restaurant room to celebrate the lacrosse season with a NU-themed cake or visiting other relatives and friends in the Carolina area.

That community has extended far outside of Evanston. Patricia Scane said that her family has no trouble finding places to live when they travel, largely in part due to the number of Northwestern families who have invited them to stay over. For example, the Scanes have stayed with 2023 graduate Allie Berkery’s family countless times when in the Long Island area.

“We most of the time stay with other families that we’ve met — a lot of Northwestern families every year since we’ve been here for six years,” Patricia Scane said. “But no matter where we go in the country, there’s usually somebody that’s connected with one of our teams, and they’re always like, ‘Please come stay with us.’ These are friendships forever.”

Michelle Shanley thinks the family-like aspect of Northwestern fans sets them apart from other fans.

Specifically, Shanley said that she hopes that the parents of older players can pass on that familial culture to future generations. A major theme of the Lake Show community is ensuring freshmen parents feel welcome, which means including and involving them in all activities right off the bat.

“[Northwestern fans] not only respect and love each other, but we respect the game and have more of a family mentality,” Shanley said. “We don’t trash talk other teams. We just focus on ourselves and we don’t focus on who we’re playing or any of the noise outside.”

A big part of this culture comes from Northwestern head coach Kelly Amonte Hiller, who several parents describe as someone who not only recruits players, but also families. Patricia Scane said that Amonte Hiller recruits players based on team fit rather than individual skill, which plays a part in the group-oriented mentality of the Northwestern community.

For Philadelphia native Pat Gillespie, the father of graduate student Hannah Gillespie, Amonte Hiller was why he felt comfortable leaving his daughter at Northwestern. When people tell him, a former football coach, that Amonte Hiller is the Nick Saban of college lacrosse, he says it’s the other way around.

“We’re coached by the best in the business,” Pat Gillespie said of the NU coaching staff. “What they bring, especially being 800 miles away, is the comfort we felt leaving [Hannah Gillespie] behind in 2019. It was very difficult for me — she’s my only daughter. So knowing that she’s with a coach that wasn’t going anywhere, that’s the most important thing.”

However, the hourglass is empty now for many Northwestern parents who saw their daughters play college lacrosse one final time on Sunday.

Those circumstances might feel strange for some families, who lose their spring weekend trips to Evanston or wherever else Northwestern is playing. It can also be a crushing feeling, knowing that this is the end once and for all. But when all is done, parents can fully reflect on what their daughters have accomplished throughout their careers.

It doesn’t feel real yet for parents like Patricia Scane and Jennifer Coykendall, who have witnessed their daughters become two of the best players in college lacrosse. Coykendall said she wakes up every game day and asks her husband if her daughter’s career is a reality. Scane, who remembers when a sixth-grade Izzy Scane first said she wanted to win a national title for Northwestern, still cannot believe that her daughter’s former pipe dream came to fruition. Not only did Izzy Scane win a national title, but she also became the NCAA Division I all-team goals leader, a Tewaaraton Award winner (and she could win a second one later this week) and one of the most prolific attackers the sport has ever seen.

“I don’t think it’s fully hit, hit me, or hit our family,” Patricia Scane said of her daughter’s six-year career finally coming to a close. “I just keep going, ‘Is this really happening?’ Because it was not anything we ever expected.”

“I think it’s going to hit us more after when things slow down. I don’t know. I was tearful [Saturday] and I’m not a tearful type of person. We’re proud of her on the field and off the field, and it’s gonna be hard.”

As Scane alluded to, of course parents have copious amounts of pride for their Wildcats’ on-field accomplishments. But it also stems from their impact as role models for the next generation of lacrosse stars, knowing that one small action can go a long way.

That impact is especially prevalent at Northwestern games, where young fans come decked out in NIL merchandise of different players or holding custom-made signs honoring the team.

“It’s really cool when you see a young fan holding up a sign that says ‘I love Hannah Gillespie.’ That hits home,” Pat Gillespie said. “It’s a beautiful thing — [the players] understand the importance of these young girls that are here, that are coming up. ... Whether they get here or not, the impression and mark that [the players] leave on these young girls, it means the world”

Although time may be up for many of Northwestern’s players, being a part of the Northwestern community does not have an expiration date. And down the line, even when the daughters of the current Northwestern parents are done playing, the support never stops.

“It’s going to be a big shift for us,” Michelle Shanley said. “Northwestern, in general for my girls, is always going to be family and home.”