Never-Made-The-Tourney: Meet Presbyterian Blue Hose Basketball

Who: The Presbyterian Blue Hose

Their logo used to be a skankily dressed Smurfette with the phrase "BLUE HOES" beneath, but they opted for a more PC logo.

Get it?

Fate: Lost, 81-73, in overtime to Campbell in the first round of the Big South tournament. They came back from down 5 in the last 15 seconds, but alas.

Where: Clinton, South Carolina

D-I member since: 2012!

Welcome Presbyterian to the club! Their transition to Division I began in 2008, and now that that's done, they're officially in Division I and able to make its tournaments! Bad news: that also means they've never made the NCAA Tournament, and thus are a member of this sadistic little club we've started.

Mascot weirdness: Nah, it's not like they're putting out a fire or something. The "Blue Hose" is a pretty easy thing to explain, actually: so, like, think the Boston Red Sox or Chicago White Sox, then think about them being named after socks, stockings, hosiery, hose... the Blue Hose. They wore blue socks.

However, that's since developed into some weird thing with a Scottish guy wearing a kilt and blue socks. The Wikipedia page boasts Presbyterian has the world's largest bronze statue of a Scotsman, which is specific enough that I believe them, and gets me super-pissed off that my 42-foot tall marble sculpture of Willie the Groundskeeper and 700-ton oaken likeness of Giants kicker Lawrence Tynes don't get the recognition they deserve.

Actual basketball stuff: The Hose weren't so good this year, finishing 333rd on Kenpom. They had eight wins, but three were against non-D-I schools - they showed Toccoa Falls with a 98-37 beatdown, which by the transitive property means Toccoa Falls would have lost by 94 to Wisconsin. In fact, their first 18 games were all either a) losses b) wins against non-D-I schools.

Props go to Khalid Mutakabbir, who averaged 37.3 minutes a game his senior year, even with a bunch of blowouts, leading the team with 15.7 points per game. And before you ask, he is from Suwanee, Georgia. My favorite name on the team belongs not to Khalid, but Mac Lake, which is either a really pimpin or Scottish body of water.

Never-Made-The-Tourney Prizes: Best, colleges named after religions division

Second-best, mascots named after clothes division

Anyway: Welcome, Presbyterian. We look forward to the Hose making their way to different area codes, and someday an NCAA Tournament bids.