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Name of the Week, Illinois edition

Illinois has some strong names, like FRITZ ROCK, DeJazz Woods, and V'Angelo Bentley.


A day late because of Thanksgiving, but I think that just makes it even more important that you vote now and vote often.

Last week was obviously a very talented name pool, which split the vote pretty heavily. But regardless, there was a pretty clear favorite: Macgarrett Kings, Jr. (28 votes) beat TyQuan Hammock (17) and Denzel Drone/Shillique Calhoun (11) in a ten person field, which quite frankly caught me off guard. Props to Macgarrett Kings, Sr. for the great naming idea, although I still say it woulda been smarter just to call him "Macgarrett Prince" and save us all the extra letters.

Anyway, onto this week! You thought last week was a doozy? Well, it was, but so is this one! My goodness, Illinois has some NAMES. Really closing strong this year, guys. Runners up include Vontrell Williams, Nejee Robinson and Eaton Spence.

No. 2, V'Angelo Bentley: That sound you hear is an Italian person whose last name is "Di Angelo" feeling incredible shame and having no clue why. V is one of the least used "slap a letter in front of a name" letters, and I think we can all agree that that's a mistake.

V's a true freshman corner, but he's made an impact this year, breaking up three passes, forcing a fumble, and blocking a kick.

No. 7, Supo Sanni: I didn't watch DragonBall Z, but this is from DragonBall Z, isn't it? Either that, or he's a Finnish hockey player that made a wrong turn somewhere.

Senior safety Supo Sanni sells seashells by the Champaign seashore, by which I mean he started 11 games last year but has only played six this season - can't tell if he's injured or whatever from a quick google search.

No. 90, DeJazz Woods:

DeJazz is a sophomore defensive lineman who, by my count, has played in one game thus far.

No. 20, Fritz Rock: I once again have the same thing to say about FRITZ ROCK, who won last year's poll:

Never fight a man named Fritz Rock. He is the strongest person on the earth, a descendant of David Hasselhoff, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Attilla the Hun. His muscles have their own muscles. He will kill you and make you listen to Rammstein and the song "Rock You Like a Hurricane" by German band Scorpions while you are dead. Then he will kill you again.

Fritz is a sophomore wide out who has five catches on the year, one for 22 yards.

No. 13, Sean McGushin: Sean is a 22-year-old organ donor from Hawaii.

In real life, he's a backup quarterback who is now a senior, but has yet to take a snap for Illinois. Yeah, because they'd be winless if they let him play. I'm trying to say Tim Beckman is a jerk.

No. 25, Ashante Williams: Ashante actually has the potential to be a really cool name, based on the name of a West African people living primarily in Ghana. The only problem is when ten years after you name your child that, the name becomes irrevokably associated with the chick who sings the choruses on every Ja Rule song.

Ash is a senior linebacker/safety who is second on the team in tackles and seventh in scoring on account of a fumble and pick returned for a TDs. That's either a sign Ashante is great or Illinois needs help.

No. 33, Zepheniah Grimes: He's not just grimey, he's biblical, and by my count the second player Northwestern has played this season named after an author of one of the books of Minor Prophets. I still stand firm to my belief that in this situation, I would've named my child "Busta".

Zeph is a redshirt freshman linebacker and has five tackles on the year.

No. 28, LaKeith Walls: Keith = average guy. LaKeith = the least average guy. "LaFred", "LaTodd" and "LaGary" are the next best "boring name into unboring name" options out there.

LKW is a freshman wide receiver who is redshirting.